I’m baking brownies!

Homemade Italian Sub/Sandwich

I messaged my job back saying how I wanted to work alone and would like to work until I find another factory or factory-like job. I feel stressed being told what to do. I don’t feel like I can act like an adult, neither, there.

I added a link to my German vocabulary at the top of this page, Deutsche.

I applied for 3 other food prep jobs! near home, maybe not as near as McDonald’s!

I want to go to bed.

I just ordered my groceries! A success!

I am cooking chicken patties. The oven is heating up to 400 degrees F.

I work tomorrow and Monday, 8-1. I worked Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

I sorta napped already.

I got the Chinese for the New Year.

I was tired and finally hung my uniform to dry.

Why is everyone going along with the notion that people who are bad when I’m really very good are really better, like if they think I made one maybe little mistake? Also, they reinterpret me, like my inner thoughts and attitude with my family and relatives.

I wanted to eat out at a Chinese restaurant today, but I am tired from work and just ordered, Sesame chicken and pork fried rice and 2 egg rolls (the 2 egg rolls bring up the fee so I get free delivery.)

Should I just get up?

💩😓🤌🏻

Some people want others treated better but to be treated better specifically over me.

Your true feelings for me.

I mean like saying things like, “I didn’t really do it,” when I am trying to do something that you don’t want me to do because you’re jealous.

1. the mean people of Orlando, Florida
2. my dad for acting aggressive secretly like maybe I’m just saying that
3. my mom for freaking out about how to treat me, if to treat me okay
4. people for following along like it’s my fault
5. the people monitoring me in private bothering me with monitors
6. if anyone involved in trying to promote a “”relationship with me is goofing up
7. Cleveland, Ohio

for things like me not being good at violin, knowing more German, etc., being in shape … you name it! shape, size, color, etc.

Does anyone expect such things out of me? Did I do anything that I should know is wrong in awkward situations, and what about when other people make mistakes? It’s too bad? Life goes on for me, I don’t chose to worship my misdeeds and complain about it to everyone. Assuming that’s not it, though, just things like that little game I can’t think of bad words or else, even if they pass my mind or even form an interjection, phrase, or sentence. They do things like that for cheap reasons…

I’ve been having problems, and I know the cause is settled but still I laugh at it in the background. I keep not feeling okay and never feel quite right, but I don’t think about it often but maybe a few times a day at least during maybe the evening/night, say.

It did make me think of some things, and the people monitoring me in private didn’t like it. Now, they’re freaking out, I sounded mad by accident sorta maybe or at least thinking too quickly, after a long hard day at McDonald’s doing what I’m supposed to.

I just didn’t want it to be a big deal, but they are like “bipolar” and “obsessive compulsive.”

I can’t trust a society of people, I saw them cut in when someone seemed friendly to me. They think it’s right to “kill kill kill.” Then, nothing is happening, anymore.

I had to make more spaghetti and (frozen) meatballs.

Some people said I was worth some sacrifice and special treatment, but it looks bad on them to just drop me, in their own ^creative^ ways, like sometimes they’re okay to me, though sometimes they’re not okay to me. That’s like they just dropped everything and said I was worthless. It seems like sometimes there was hope along the way for something rooted in the ground.

The people involved in and monitoring me in private don’t care if I have “work” to do and act like I need their testing me and even though they’re not acting very nice or smart for me.

classical music today
sorry to say
but it has to be that way
that’s how history will lay

Leftover Spaghetti and (Frozen) Meatballs

Are some people easing in trying to “claim my title?”

Can you believe prestigious people who are mean and act like they are nicer than most people to get you to think they are so nice?

Some/Many places prepare to socially abuse me. Orlando had its plan, and Cleveland, Ohio has its plan.

Do you have a loud and happy family?

Other people react randomly to me, yet I cannot explore my thoughts and feelings successfully because of them, like trashing me.

The “spoiled brats” in my life are encouraged by Mommy or Daddy.

Some people are roped off assuming individuals already in communication “must” be good enough, more than with others, hence they pretend not to have to relate to certain people as much.

I already told you!

I had posted new posts on Facebook.

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100082204280295

I’m going to bed. I made some new Facebook posts. Someone’s bound to come along and answer or maybe the newer posts when they come.

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100082204280295

I added a link to Pics of me at the top of this blog.

I took away the tab that pops up on my Website under Stuff when you hover on it.

I added it to my Website under the top Me Singing.

I took down the video of me singing on my website.

I edited an iffy post.

Today is laundry day!

I do it in the apartment laundry machines. I leave it in there and wait in my apartment, now. It’s very taxing to sit in there for a couple hours or so. I don’t have much to wash. Then, I wash my McDonald’s uniform in my small machine in my apartment. I have a bigger one that broke I have to return or something, which had a spin dryer.

I’m getting Boba and Ramen.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1bOt-LHqlm9uSiuD1spBwjXO9BD9kg7CnL4ajK_TYso4/edit?usp=sharing

They said she “finds time” to work. How?

https://fb.watch/i8AeDyaBQp/

The only social icon I have up now is a new Facebook, linked at the top of this blog.

• Facebook

https://fb.watch/i8wC3IFhZu/

The lack of excitement is draining my energy.

Are well-liked people necessarily popular?

I lived there for 15 years with my parents, who got sick and died over 4 years.

I lost a lot moving Up North to Cleveland. My hopes were smashed, though I got out of Orlando..

I thought I could improve my life.

Socially, it has come to ruin.

I am applying to go back to the Baptist College of Florida online for a Bachelor of Arts in Music in violin performance.

I have a few classes and 7 credit hours of violin lessons and 7 semesters of an ensemble.

If I get money from Lejeune I can do 2 ensembles a semester since I won’t have to work. I can maybe take longer lessons, too. So, that’s 2-4 years, but I can finish the other classes in 1-2 years, since one requires 1-2 years, depending on if I know the material from my last school.

Since moving to Germany may usually require a Bachelor’s degree, then this will work. So, I may be 39 years old, almost 40!

I’m working on my FAFSA for financial aid, which covers it all, or used to, here.

They want me to be a “prep” cook at McDonald’s from 5 P.M. – 10 P.M., instead of 8 A.M. – 1 P.M. That’s 5 hours.

It seems the most hope for me to move to Germany is money from Lejeune and to pay to study violin and German if I still maybe need a college degree to move there.

Website > Stuff > Cute Cartoons

Image From Last Post

Stray Cat

You can’t “go to” another country to experience “the real world” probably with the world following the US which turned very racist.

Why, when I win, is it about rectifying people who “goofed off” and are “up to no good?”

Why are individuals like Tim Burton and Johnny Depp always accompanied by an usher and the peanut gallery, and where did they all go hide and celebrate?

They are comfortable but say no hope. The past is gone.

He was still active it seems through some point in 2009 and Alice in Wonderland coming out in 2010.

I took this video in 2008, if you want to see it.

Here’s one someone else took, 2 minute sand 44 seconds long.

His last big hit was Sweeney Todd in December 2007, and he had a daughter, his wife carrying her while filming, during the early days. He was also prominent for the last hit being Alice in Wonderland, which finally showed up on screen in Mach 2010. He did Dark Shadows with Johnny Depp, with others like a young star Chloe Moretz, but “the hype died down.” Hollywood is no more. The last big animation was 2D of New Orleans, Disney’s full length animated feature of a princess, The Princess and the Frog, December 2009. I can’t say I had much going for me since.

In Hollywood, you may notice a handful of people who made it through 2007. Baby Boomers think any failure is discipline to “Millennials.”

You get outta shape as you get older and quit activities like ballet or high school sports.

The movie industry has become camp and bleak. They know anyone can sign on to the internet and post about if there’s another good movie, so they avoid making any. Better stop hoping and find something else to keep you going, including getting a blog.

I’ve thought I found this partly.

Didn’t things used to be better before all this new racism?

People think that will make them popular.

Jogging/Running

1/2 hour upperbody workout class

1 hour on treadmill

I think I do get paid next Tuesday.

I think I’m going after this snack. Treadmill for an hour as usual and weights.

Sometimes, there do not seem to be “other fish in the sea.”

People are not necessarily a match to their parents.

I think we all have certain concerns that may or may not match other people.

I was told to contact an embassy.

I wrote the following:

How can I find help with finding a job for English speakers and a place to live where English speakers can? Well, I know Berlin has the most resources for English speakers or foreigners. I have been following an orchestra online for 6-7 years, since 2016. It’s a Baroque orchestra in Freiburg by France and Switzerland/Italy on the west edge. Many celebrated members from the orchestra are probably around their late 50s. It would be nice to catch some action before they start to leave or die. I do like big cities, though the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra is rather harsh for me now, anyway. I don’t know where I want to move and may as well move to Freiburg or Berlin. I want to learn German and take violin lessons.

Is it wrong to go to any college for art or music if you aren’t the next Michelangelo?

Is Cleveland not socially intelligent enough for me, mostly. I was advised by the police to get out of the city because of the danger. I may not have enough money to do that until over a year! but it is possible if I get money from Lejeune, soon.

So, where to? Maybe, I shouldn’t wait to go to Germany, though people try to tell me it’s really bad. I have to contact an “embassy” here, still. I know there are jobs for English speakers, but I don’t know about English speaking communities or living. I want to learn German, too, and started. years ago. I guess I will go for Freiburg so I can see the orchestra before it falls apart, as members get older. I’ve been following this orchestra online since 2016, every day, mostly. It’s a loving city but doesn’t hit the spot and probably isn’t for everyone necessarily, close to France and Switzerland/Italy. It’ll do, but I love the orchestra, though I don’t always fit in. Nice people there, too, reminds me a little of Orlando, where I lived for years with my parents, and Cleveland where I am now. I agree it’s a bit “day to day” in feel and that orchestra bustling about and getting to travel the world except the US etc. It’s like WWI, they ignore a challenge and pick sides. I just learned about WWI, seems like a normal fight, unlike WWII, but people die and get hurt physically.

People here think if I reacted physically like stomping my foot a little when mad that that’s it I’m a danger, and it’s like no one notices they’re all bad people to me and they even “started it.” Anyone is mean to me, it seems, and no one deserves to dominate me, for it. I’m a good person. I shouldn’t be tormented because my dad was “ticked off” I flunked college, like it was my fault my high schools did not prepare me or my junior high schools. Other people listened, unfortunately, and still do to this day, all seeming to claim they don’t actually believe in it. I get tormented for thinking of bad words, too, just some day to day vocabulary in this kind of “day and age.” My dad really went down on me to be that way when I was upset and posted about it on my blog or something, maybe was just mad cursing but not illegally, and people were being illegally mean to me… They want me to believe these things and “point fingers at” me if I don’t depending on if I’ve met anyone since in these past years or anything. So, I am not mean and dangerous, and no one would attack me for that reason since I don’t do that.

I have more leftover spaghetti.

Major/s
> Baroque Violin (“Early Music” / “Historical Performance”) 🌟
> Studio Art (Painting > Acrylic/Traditional) 😇

Minor/s
> Physics 🌈
> Math (“Mathematics”) 🎨
> Chemistry ❤

Sports
> Swimming (Fall) 🐧
> Tennis (Spring) 👑

The science and math minors are to supplement my interest in research in art and music. 😁

I had 1 of my $1/$2 chocolate cake-like dessert from a box of 10, 2 heart cakes in one pack.

I took, like, a full shower, hair mask and Bath & Body Works!

I tidied up my apartment pretty well. I have some bags and it looks hard to dance in, though, now. I could move some things a bit. … Well, I took care of that!

I went through my home and purse/bag planner.

I have some classical music on. I have some water.

Work is great, doesn’t take long to get there. I ate my free meal after work, a double burger, small fries, and coke (Coca-Cola.)

I put my laundry for tomorrow in and have to work it.

I have to clean some cookingware in the kitchen etc.

I have a little trash to take out.

Pretty much done.

I wish I had money to shop, waiting for some, and my younger brother seems afraid to send me any of mine now I am on my own. Weird. It’s Iike I only have what’s in my pocket now, it’s not right. I thought my dad left that money to me or it got leftover already somehow. I mean, I just got a job and to be safe they aren’t paying me for 3 weeks, so I won’t leave because I’m new. I didn’t know! I think I looked it up online. I have a few things I can return that may make it by the end of this month, some things too late.

I guess I’ll post online, need to wash my uniform for tomorrow and eventually cook a meal, probably spaghetti and meatballs. I only have like $100 for the rest of this month, some got taken away somehow for something. So, it goes to food. I’m stocked for breakfast at home, big breakfast kinda, and some suppers, maybe 5 suppers at least. It might cost around $40 for the next week. I have just enough maybe, but I may need to buy female products, not sure what else. My female cycle may be rather short and light, since I took that pill, but a tampon is not enough alone, I wear both a tampon and pad on heavier days, like 3 days possibly. I found a few things at Dollar stores, but I am trying to lay off going there until I have some money. I’ll have, like, $600+ when I do get my first check! I want to pay back my debts, for one thing, $5.6K maybe. Oh, and I do have some more credit coming in for now, $29, so.

They behaved so nicely and were so impressive.