Late Baby Boomer Lady From Europe I’m Supposedly Supposed to Have a “Relationship” With Etc.


Disclaimers
– I am very grateful to her and have no animosity on her actions towards me, in reality for sure.
– No one does a shit for me to feel better in my present time, and no one can guarantee a profitable future for me.

I just get “f***ed” if I want to know when my suffering will be over.

She gets horny, like “wait a minute,” and it gets “better” for her and worse for me because I feel upset on the inside I am in trouble. I don’t see why I have to be so distracted by the people monitoring me in private. It’s not cute. People are concerned for her over me, like she “isn’t feeling it.” The only people I have are people who I can’t talk to and people who are in high and critical situations.

They used to act like there was hope for me, but now it’s okay for them not to. I remain in trouble for no reason, too. My present life is suffering, as well, even.

I can just say that people in general suck.

So, maybe, now, things affect the lady that don’t affect others and it’s as though she’s one of the different people rightly enough and moreso. I was considered too guilty to pass it up.

It’s like I’m a gamble over s** for her.

Raise my expectations, only to reward her alone with gratification.

It’s strange people want to create the illusion and process of me not having a good life and don’t want to say what things are, now, when it really doesn’t matter. No one will “own” their actions.

The lady is joked that I’m not one to meet now she’s famous and there’s even a line for me to wait in. Now, she gets what she needs from others, and I feel guilty when sad about not having her.

I don’t really feel loved and feel blocked.

I guess it is a cycle for her to charge into things fully loaded so that when people realize this they just affect her with one move or she does it later, rendering the whole thing a purposeful plan to get affected, maybe sacrificing the well-being of others or something in some way. Anyway, is it her fame, too, that helps tip the boat? It doesn’t seem to affect me like that. Some people deserve to feel pleasure, and sometimes some people don’t.

People who claimed she should have pleasure in inappropriate ways at the expense of others do not deserve to feel pleasure, instead.

I sense she may have either subconsciously or tactually decided that me posting this meant I should be taken out and beat up like I’m gonna be older than her. If so, she claims I’m too messed up from having an older dad and believes at some point I should be out and suffer forever. I think it’s just saying I don’t matter, including my mixed “White” race, anyway and so she can get more done for herself since she can in being stimulated. Anyway, Late Baby Boomers with older dads don’t seem to have this problem. It’s like they think I can’t handle anything and get at me for how I feel about suffering emotionally from what happens when involved with older people. It’s the feeling they want me to have, “after all.”

Why just believe it’s all my fault I was feeling as if I were upset with her at a time they were going to deem critical? They never leave me alone in being mean to me, a lot. I usually am appropriate, but they ruled out reacting physically to anger in any small way, cursing in my head, or having something that they wrongly think they must question to some great extent. Later, this is to be regretted, blaming me? I’m not saying she has to still have a “relationship” with me. I’m just wondering about why she “rubs in” that she doesn’t want one. Like I was accused of, she is popular for being “cute.” It’s a race apparently for people to be the hero. People believe she did these things, even the people monitoring me in private enforce this. Supposedly, she was just adapting to the system and would not do such lunatic things. I see I don’t matter, to her, or anyone. See, I am not feeling good so much, like I took a breather it seems. The people monitoring me in private keep interrupting me, with little noises, when I try to. So, in essence, I lack hope in time and can’t enjoy myself and benefit from the present. I’m “cold and unfeeling.” No one is fixing it for me, like it’s some joke, now. I could probably fix my life. I may take that step this afternoon in saying I’m not taking the psychotic pills, now I know I don’t get benefits from them, and it raises my blood sugar and I have diabetes. The people monitoring me in private just practice silly superstitions with me! I get told I’m not supposed to be in this “relationship” with her, after all! I get beat every day for feeling upset about what they do. Everyone is afraid to be nice to me or leave me be in peace. I keep feeling physically affected, altered, ruined in some body part, etc. by the people monitoring me in private startling me. People don’t like me in the world or certain places. People in high places do, so “that tells you something.”

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