A Message in the Night


Camp Lejeune, holding tight.
I pray to make haste, with all my might.

Things are not so fun without the money I could have made, should my parents had survived their critical illnesses.

This is like a gust of wind from my past, when I was sitting up in the 3rd floor of 2 different group homes in East Cleveland. I had to leave when things started to look dangerous. The apartment I found in West Cleveland was not as cheap as it could have been, and still have been safe. I took a job at McDonald’s nearby. It could take me 1/2 year to pay back my credit lines for groceries and DashPass, or longer. It’s like an extra $300/month. If I dispense more, it will be paid off sooner. I may not get my first paycheck from McDonald’s for up to 3 weeks. My younger brother is rather unresponsive about dispensing me my money from my deceased dad. I was supposed to get money if my laptop broke, too, and it did. He didn’t answer, so I said it was okay, for now. I thought I could live off McDonald’s free food for employees, but I don’t know if it’s very promising and is bad for my triglycerides. I could just get by, this month, but, if I “keep up the good work,” things should be fine, getting by.

So, I am expecting money for my dad’s death from drinking poison in the Marines at Camp Lejeune, like many others as it has been advertised and come to law or something in this past year. If this law company doesn’t do it, I’ll just try another. My younger brother actually “took it from there” and is “taking care of” it.

I also am missing my May Disability money. I am told to go back to the office in person, have to take a bus. I may on Thursday, Friday, or Monday. That will really help, as well, if they can find a way.

I have to eat healthy now, too, for my health. I can get anything at McDonald’s 30% off. Some things I can get free, any day I work there.

I need to get my violin string fixed, 2 broke in December.

If my parents didn’t die or I didn’t have problems, I could have been better at violin now, “not to mention” if I never had problems in Orlando from other people or problems from my college, Loyola University New Orleans. After a year, they said music was not for me, though I got all A’s in music and a B+ in private singing lessons my first semester. I had to take a music history course second semester and it took like an hour in the library maybe listening to samples, and I didn’t have time for that. I did it, but then I didn’t get to practice. I was in 21 credit hours, most in music. Technically, the only thing they let me stay in was the organ program, when I did other things I liked in music, too.

I don’t like all those weird jobs from home, still a lot of work, more than McDonald’s maybe. I should get money for my skills in music. I wonder if I could, though, now. I know some community theaters pay their actors. I could certainly sing in a community theater performance.

It seems like everyone is too nervous to make me happy, like working with me for financial stability. I want to be a German violinist. So, I’m not studying to be an RN. It’s too hard to do that on the side, with all the registration/money and whatnot and time. It would be two years, probably. I like my job cooking at McDonald’s from my first day, just hope I get by this month. I already paid my phone bill, waiting to pay for internet now.

My studio apartment is too small, it seems too. I’m getting a folding keyboard probably next month, since the rolling one malfunctioned and was hard to play.

I have to wake up at 5, or 6, for work. I’ll probably wake up earlier to use the restroom to pee and go back and lie down and maybe sleep again. I need a good breakfast, maybe can eat at work, buy a breakfast, if I wake up early enough.


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